文书点评—康乃尔劳资关系

原文
Statement of purpose which includes applicants reasons for undertaking graduate work, explanation of study interests, and their relation to the applicant's undergraduate study and professional goals.

The decision for me to become an industrial relations major was not really my own, I have to admit. My uncle, a human resource manager with Welch-Ally, spent the majority of every holiday gathering throughout my senior year of high school trying to dissuade me from becoming a business major. He would tell me, "This is a rare undergraduate degree and a growing field." Then he would frighten me by saying, "We have very similar personalities, so you would be a fantastic H.R. manager." Eventually he convinced me that it was my best option. And I haven't regretted it.

Although I credit my uncle with inspiring my initial decision, my constantly growing interest in this field and desire to continue my education has grown from two sources: the Industrial Relations faculty at Lemoyne and my vocation as a martial arts instructor for almost five years. From my professors, I have learned the practical side of my intended profession: the multitude of laws protecting worker's rights in the workplace, procedures for collective bargaining and arbitration, and how compensation systems function. My job, on the other hand, has helped me acquire the "people" skills that are crucial to being an effective H.R. manager. In the course of a normal workday, I must communicate with a diverse group of people ranging in age from three to seventy-two years old. Each student has unique needs and goals that I must identify and pay attention to. I must constantly evaluate students and give them constructive feedback, walking that fine line between support and criticism. At the same time, I delegate tasks to the less senior instructors and class helpers, while helping them improve their teaching skills. It is challenging and constantly educational. These two sources, my professors and my job, have succeeded in transforming a disinterested college freshman into a senior who has a focused career path.

My ultimate career goal is to be a general human resource manager or recruiter for a high-tech or pharmaceutical company. These are industries in which I foresee great potential for growth in the future. I enjoy every aspect of my major, and I look forward to the variety of tasks and obstacles I will face as an H.R. manager. The prospect of interacting with people on a daily basis appeals to me immensely in a job. Working as a recruiter likewise interests me because it would involve convincing potential employees to work for my company. This is precisely what I do at my current job. It is my responsibility to make new students feel at ease, develop rapport with them quickly, and then sell our program's values and benefits. All of my experience would be relevant and useful to a career as an H.R. manager.

Cornell University represents an attractive program for me because the curriculum is practical and many of the classes utilize computers and software specifically designed for human resources. Also, a Master's degree from a well-respected program like Cornell would be essential in helping me achieve my goal of working for a large, possibly Fortune 500 company. I ask that you examine my grades to see the discrepancy between my Freshman/Sophomore and Junior/Senior years. The change reflects my growing interest in industrial relations and my ability to balance working almost full-time with being a full-time commuting student. If accepted, I will bring to Cornell a strong academic background in human resources and hands-on management experience. I am extremely committed to my career goals, and I believe that attending Cornell will help me fulfill them.
译文
这篇个人陈述包括了我申请研究生项目的理由，学习兴趣的说明，我本科阶段的学习与这个项目之间的关系和我的职业目标。

这个决定就我来说成为劳资关系专业真的不是我特有的，我必须承认。我的叔叔是一个人力资源管理经理，他花了大半节假日时间聚集我高中学年来试图劝我主修商科。他告诉我，“这是一个非常杰出的学位、一个正在成长的领域”当时他还用谚语吓唬我“我们有非常相同的性格，因此你将成为一个荒谬的人力资源经理。”最后他确信那将是我最好的选择。那样我将没有任何遗憾。

虽然我相信我的叔叔灌输给我的最初的决定，但是在这个领域我逐渐增强的兴趣和继续学习愿望已经成长了，来自两个来源：似曾相识的劳资关系的才能和我的将近5年的武术教师的职业。从我的教授那里我学到了我有意从事的职业的比较实用的一面：在车间，劳资双方针对工资等问题谈判的程序和仲裁，和赔偿制度的职责所有这些方面多数法律是保护工人的权利的。我的工作，在另一方面，已经帮助我学到了人力资源管理这方面的技巧，这对于我成为一个出色的人力资源经理是至关重要的。在正常的工作期间，我必须和不同的人群交流包括3岁到72岁的人们。每个学生都有不同的需求和目标我必须识别和注意。我必须经常的评价学生并且给他们建设性的反馈，在支持和批评之间要有奖罚分明的线路。同时，我给少数的高级教师和班级助手委派任务以便帮助他们提高教学技能。它是负有挑战性的和教育性的。这两个来源，我的教授和我的工作，已经成功的转化成了一个无私的学院，即新生进入更高一级的职业通道。

我最终的职业目标是成为一个普通的人力资源经理或者招聘人员针对那些高科技或者药物公司。这些行业是我预知的将来最有增长潜力的行业。我喜欢我的专业的每一个方面，我期盼任务的变化和作为一个人力资源经理我将面对的障碍。工作中每日与人的相互影响的前景无限的吸引着我。作为招聘人员同样的使我产生兴趣因为令人信服的有潜力的职工即将为我的公司工作。这正是我目前所做的工作。使新的学生感到自由自在、迅速的与他们发展和谐的关系然后出售我们的项目的价值和利益，这是我的责任。所有我的这些经验对于一个人力资源经理的职业生涯都是相关的和有用的。

对于我来说康乃尔大学象征着一个有魅力的项目，因为它的课程是实用的并且多数上层社会利用计算机软件特定的设计来做人力资源。而且，来自康乃尔大学非常受尊敬的一个硕士学位项目将从本质上帮助我达到我要进入世界500强公司的目标。我要求你们检查我的等级以便了解我的大学三年之间的差异。这个差异反映了我在劳资关系方面正在增长的兴趣和就一个专任的走读生而言我对于平衡全部工作时间的能力。如果我被你们接受，我将带给康乃尔大学坚固的人力资源理论背景和我的管理经验。我非常的终于我的职业目标，我相信参加康乃尔大学将帮助我实现我的职业理想。
文章点评                                                                     
文章大纲
本文从结构上来看，主要分为四大部分，第一部分主要是为下文作铺垫，间接的强调自己学习劳资关系的强烈决心；第二部分是文章的核心，通过写实的手法展现了自己的相关专业背景和优势，不仅层次感很强，而且描写得很细致。第三部分激情澎湃的展现了作者的职业目标，在这里使文章升华到达高潮。第四部分结合自己的职业理想直接点明康乃尔大学此项目的优势以及我的加入能带来的价值。

主题内容
从内容上来看，开篇先用一句话简单介绍了文章的主要内容；接着写自己的叔叔就是人力资源的经理，他一直全力劝说自己主修商科，向自己灌输商科是个非常有前途的领域。第二部分主要写自己在劳资关系这方面的兴趣逐渐增强以及自己的实践经历，通过学习和实际工作，提高了自己在此方面的能力和技巧。第三部分主要写自己的职业目标是成为一个普通的人力资源经理或者招聘人员针对那些高科技或者药物公司，突出了自己对待这个领域的强烈兴趣和责任感。第四部分直接指出康乃尔大学的课程设置比较实用，参加康乃尔大学有助于我实现进入500强的职业目标，同时可以分享我的坚固的学院背景和管理经验。

素材取材
本文取材主要是自己的亲身经历（第2、3段），其余全是叙述性的描写，说明自己的目的和计划。全文主要围绕自己的兴趣展开，这是贯穿全文的一条主线。

本文立意
本文开篇就先点明了自己意图以及全篇的答题内容，接着由自己的叔叔衬托自己强烈的兴趣，给人以真实地感受，之后通过写实和叙述重点突出了自己的兴趣以及适合这个项目。

可以借鉴的地方
总体来看全文层次分明，逻辑合理，虽然跨专业申请，但是非常自然，更多的强调了自己的兴趣以及自己的学习和经历适合这个领域。语言简练，主题表达明确，而且兼顾的方面较广，同时也体现了自己的相关优势。最值得借鉴的一点就是用实际经历（叔叔对自己的劝阻）侧面衬托，对于说明自己强烈的决心和兴趣显得更有力度。

本文缺点
但是文章也有一定的缺点，写实的部分缺少个性的案例，因此对于自己在此专业方面的优势展示得有点少，如果补充进去给人的印象将更加深刻；此外有的地方稍微有些啰嗦，有点画蛇添足的意思，例如第四部分最后一句：“All of my experience would be relevant and useful to a career as an H.R. manager.”不过总的来说这篇PS比较成功。