文书点评：我的榜样：Erika——Role model: Erika

I met Erika two years ago. Erika grew up in a provincial Mexican town called Leon. According to the region's conservative customs, women are expected to marry and serve their husbands. Practically all women there accept their fate; Erika is one notable exception. Rebelling against the constraints imposed on women, she risked social rejection by persuading her parents to let her study engineering in Mexico City. She hoped to influence people's lives and become a well-rounded individual.

At that time, there were only two women studying engineering at the university. Professors didn't expect a woman to become a good engineer and didn't dedicate much time to her, so she had to put in twice the effort to obtain the same grades as her male classmates. She graduated with honors and decided to join P&G, where I met her. Very soon, her strong business vision and leadership skills earned her a fast Brand Manager promotion. However, she felt that P&G was not giving her all the skills needed to help people, so she enrolled in a London MBA program.

When she returned to P&G, she was promoted to Director. She had been planning to start a non-profit organization to help illiterate women when her mother was struck with cancer. Without a moment's hesitation, she left her promising career to achieve her goal in life: helping others. She now spends half of each day taking care of her mom and the other half teaching illiterate women.

Erika has had a deep influence on me. What I most admire about her is her strong belief that we have the responsibility to help others become better persons. She lives according to this credo, which she has used as a guideline since she was very young. She has show me the importance of a attaining a balanced life and contributing to society while accumulating practical skills. Most recently, she has encouraged me to obtain an MBA, because it gave her the skills needed to complete her development and help others.

点评：

这篇文书是用来申请MBA的，并以行为榜样作为命题。一般这种命题的文章都需要作者通过描述一个对自己有深刻影响的人，从而引申出从这个人身上获得些什么？得到些什么感悟，等等。

Erika作为一个当时非常独特的女性，敢于与当时的封建风俗作斗争，争取属于自己的权利。她不仅仅为了自己的权利而奋斗，更是为了帮助更多没有受过教育的女性早日过上更好的生活而奋斗着。Erika以这个作为她的人生奋斗目标，并一直坚守这个准则。最后，即使她在P&G有一份很好的工作并且前途无限，她还是为了能够帮助更多的人放弃了这份工作。

最后，Erika的这种经历和坚定的信仰，感动并鼓舞了作者。由于Erika曾经读过MBA，并觉得MBA给予了她许多技能去帮助他人。因此鼓励作者也去攻读MBA。

文章读起来满流畅的，内容也吸引人的。但是唯一让人觉得牵强的就是Erika读MBA使她得到了帮助他人所需的技能。但是具体是那些技能呢？作者并没有作进一步的解释，因为MBA并不像其他什么non-profit的专业，与帮助他人有那么紧密地联系。所以作者需要做更多地解释才能使这篇文章更加有说服力。最后作者说Erika也鼓励她去读MBA， 但是作者读MBA的目的又是什么呢？难道说她也打算向Erika那样从事非营利组织么？还是她有她自己的打算。因为她没有做更多地解释，读得人也不清楚。所以要是作者想通过这一个例子来申请MBA的话，是需要进一步丰富最后的解释。

译文：

行为榜样：Erika

我认识Erika是两年前的事了。Erika在一个叫做利昂的墨西哥小镇里长大。根据当地的保守风俗习惯，女人的职责就是嫁人和服侍她们的丈夫。而实际上，大多数的女性都接受了她们的命运；但Erika 是个典型的例外。为了抵抗那些强制在女性身上的约束，她冒着被社会抵制的危险游说她的父母让她去墨西哥城学习工程学。她希望去改变人们的生活及成为一个全面的人。

在那时，仅有两个女性在大学里学习工程学。教授们也对女性成为一个工程师不抱太大的希望，并没有对她花太多的时间，因此她必须要付出两倍的努力去获得与其他男同学同样高的分数。最后她以非常优秀的成绩毕业了并加入了P&G，也就是我们认识的地方。很快的，她的对商务的强烈先见之明和领导能力很快地为她争得了品牌经理的晋升。但是，她感到P&G并不能给到她去帮助他人的全部所需技能，因此她参加了伦敦MBA课程。

当她回到 P&G，她被晋升为主管。就在她母亲遭受到癌症的影响时，她就一直计划筹办一个非营利组织去帮助那些没有受过教育的女性。毫无犹豫的，她放弃了一个很有前途的职业去完成她人生的使命：帮组他人。她现在用半天时间用来照顾她的母亲，而剩下的时间去教不识字的女性。

Erika对我的影响很深刻。 我敬佩她的是她坚信我们都有责任去帮助他人过得更好。她依照着这个信条生活着，那个她年轻时就一直用来做为指引的。她向我展现出达到一个和谐人生的重要性。以及在积累实践技能的时候也可以对社会做出贡献。最近，她也鼓励我去攻读一个MBA的学位，因为它让她更完善了她的发展和帮助他人的所需技能。