你的背景、经验、价值怎样提高Kellogg学生的多样性？

Your background, experiences, and values will enhance the diversity of Kellogg's student body. How?

During my senior year in college, my father was diagnosed with terminal skin cancer. Like most cancer patients, he spent the majority of his time in the hospital; he often spoke of how nice the staff was, and how much his stay was enriched by the services offered by the volunteers. I felt a great debt to those people who helped my father and mother during that difficult time, and I wanted to do the same for other people in similar situations.

When I moved to New York after graduation, I decided to volunteer at the Sloan-Kettering Memorial Hospital until I found a job. Over the next few months, I worked thirty hours a week helping patients and their families. One of the most rewarding experiences at the hospital was organizing patient voting for the 1992 Presidential election. I was responsible for coordinating the procurement and distribution of absentee ballots with nurses, patients, hospital staff, and the various voting administrations within the five boroughs of New York City.

The response was overwhelming. The patients were overjoyed to be included in the voting process. I knew from my father that the most demoralizing circumstance of a prolonged hospital stay was the feeling that the world was passing you by. On that November day, however, I was able to help those patients feel like part of society again. I will always be grateful for that.

Once I found a job, I had to curtail my hours at the hospital, but I did not stop my volunteer work. And although my job prohibits me from volunteering as much as I'd like, I still try to find the time. My volunteer work has allowed me to help others cope with the terrible pain of illness, which I have experienced first-hand and through my family. The satisfaction that I gain when I help patients and their families is unlike any other feeling I have ever had in my life.

I've found that my work also helps me to deal with and accept the loss of my own father. If it were not for him, I never would have started volunteering. The good work I do is a constant tribute to his memory.

As an individual, I have learned the benefits of altruism, and I firmly believe that companies should also take an active role in philanthropy. I was pleased to see in the admissions brochure that other Kellogg students feel the same, as demonstrated by their Business with a Heart program. I know that my unique perspective and experiences would contribute to this group, and enable me to enrich the lives of the community as well as those of my fellow students.

点评：

［命题要求：你的背景，经验，和价值怎样提高Kellogg学生的多样性？］

文章第一段，以父亲被诊断出皮肤癌晚期开门见山，引出了听父亲说医院的员工和志愿者如何NICE，导致作者反省出自己的不足，并希望做些帮助身处困难人们的想法。优点：让读者明白这是一个真实的故事，而且展现出作者的价值观：反省并付诸行动，最终吸引读者继续关注自己的成长。

第二段开始，作者就展现出了一种言必行的态度：工作不着急找，先当志愿者。并且，是全身心投入到了志愿者工作中去“每周工作30小时”通过92年总统选举的事例，作者希望让读者更能体会到这份志愿者工作的投入度。

第三段是事例的高潮，让读者看到：作者不仅是在做义工，不仅是协助选举投票的工作，更是用持续的爱心让医院的患者恢复社会感。相当出彩！作者的观察视角和行为动机让人眼前一亮。“让患者恢复自信走回社会，大家都是快乐的”。

第四段是文章的升华段，之前一段是做了别人做不到事，这一段是通过做的事，感受到了别人感受不到的境界。虽然后来没太多时间做志愿者了，但是之前的经历让作者学会了什么叫付出与回报，什么叫真正的爱心！

第五段是作者的反省，自己是如何学会感恩的。

文章的最后一段，作者自我总结：升华到利他主义和慈善事业，进而对应题目——带来diversity，与Kellogg共享。从内容上来说，作者采取是层层深入的方式阐述故事。471个字，符合篇幅要求。文章合理扣题，表达清晰，结构明了。是一篇比较好的文书。