文书点评：Kellogg商学院命题Essay短文

[Your background, experiences, and values will enhance the diversity of Kellogg's student body. How? ]

During my senior year in college, my father was diagnosed with terminal skin cancer. Like most cancer patients, he spent the majority of his time in the hospital; he often spoke of how nice the staff was, and how much his stay was enriched by the services offered by the volunteers. I felt a great debt to those people who helped my father and mother during that difficult time, and I wanted to do the same for other people in similar situations.

When I moved to New York after graduation, I decided to volunteer at the Sloan-Kettering Memorial Hospital until I found a job. Over the next few months, I worked thirty hours a week helping patients and their families. One of the most rewarding experiences at the hospital was organizing patient voting for the 1992 Presidential election. I was responsible for coordinating the procurement and distribution of absentee ballots with nurses, patients, hospital staff, and the various voting administrations within the five boroughs of New York City.

The response was overwhelming. The patients were overjoyed to be included in the voting process. I knew from my father that the most demoralizing circumstance of a prolonged hospital stay was the feeling that the world was passing you by. On that November day, however, I was able to help those patients feel like part of society again. I will always be grateful for that.

Once I found a job, I had to curtail my hours at the hospital, but I did not stop my volunteer work. And although my job prohibits me from volunteering as much as I'd like, I still try to find the time. My volunteer work has allowed me to help others cope with the terrible pain of illness, which I have experienced first-hand and through my family. The satisfaction that I gain when I help patients and their families is unlike any other feeling I have ever had in my life.

I've found that my work also helps me to deal with and accept the loss of my own father. If it were not for him, I never would have started volunteering. The good work I do is a constant tribute to his memory.
As an individual, I have learned the benefits of altruism, and I firmly believe that companies should also take an active role in philanthropy. I was pleased to see in the admissions brochure that other Kellogg students feel the same, as demonstrated by their Business with a Heart program. I know that my unique perspective and experiences would contribute to this group, and enable me to enrich the lives of the community as well as those of my fellow students.

点评：

大纲：整篇文章以身患晚期癌症的父亲住院其间，对志愿者的服务感到很窝心为线索，引出作者并没有因为父亲的病而一蹶不振或怨天尤人，而是从中受到启发也到医院申请成为了一名志愿者来帮助更多的人。在其做志愿者过程中，作者认为最有意义的事情就是组织医院的病人为1992年总统大选投票的那段经历。病人们在这其间显得极为兴奋高兴，因为他们觉得自己终于被承认了作为社会中的一分子履行了自己应有的义务，而不是被抛弃在医院里整日无人理会的废物。

主题：作者通过自己的成长经历来强调突出了自己的兴趣有来，以自己的切身感受。体会到了这份工作的对于社会的重要性以及自己在当中所取得的成就感和意义。

取材：整篇文章以作者的独特经历为题材， 通过自身的经历来渲染正篇的文章。字里行间中都感人至深。作者在做志愿者的过程中，帮助了需要帮助的人，他自己也从中学到了利他主义如何关心别人

借鉴：作为世界著名西北大学的凯洛格商学院， 其院校内一定不乏成绩优秀，能力很强的学生或申请者，但是一定也需要作者这样富有爱心的人才，作为一所成功的院校或是公司，不应该只看到自己每天获了多少利，也应该做一些慈善事业来帮助需要帮助的人。特别提到作者作为一名申请者注意到了此商学院有个“爱心工程”的项目，所以此篇文章无疑与商学院这个项目不谋而合，必会受到招生办的亲睐！所以此篇文章是一篇很成功的申请文章。

译文：

命题要求：你的背景，经历，价值将会提高Kellogg学生的多样性。如何做到？

当我在大学的最后一年里，我的父亲不幸被诊断出了末期皮肤癌。像大多数癌症患者一样，他余下的大部分时间是在医院度过的。他常常会和我讲起医院的员工对他有多么好，并且感觉到余下的生命由志愿者带来的这些细微服务变得更有意义了。在那段艰难的时间段，我对给过我父母帮助的这些人有一种深深的罪恶感，同时我想为其他有相似状况的人去给予同样的帮助。

当我毕业后搬到了纽约，我决定在我找到一份工作前先在Sloan-Kettering Memoria医院做志愿者。之后的几个月，我每周在医院工作30小时去帮助病人和他们的家属。其中最有意义的事情就是组织医院的病人为1992年总统大选投票的那段经历。我负责纽约市的五个区内选票的整理和缺席票数的分类。包括护士，病人，医院的职员和各种投票管理部门。

病人们在这其间显得极为兴奋高兴， 因为他们也能参与到投票选举的进程中了。我知道在在医院里拖延生命让他感觉世界。在那年的11月，我感觉到了我有能力去帮助那些病人让他们再次感受到是社会的一分子。