本科申请命题Essay——评价你的一次经历

[Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.]

Basci Training

"You may now alight, " boomed a loud voice over the ferry's intercom. Walking off of the ferry, I looked around in awe at the countless unfamiliar faces that shared a common fate: Basic Military Training Camp with the Singapore army. When I was younger, I had often laughed when my older friends departed for their three-month training. I quickly realized, however, that the first three months of my two-year national service would be no laughing matter.

With my first steps onto the sunny island of Pulau Tekong -- my new home -- I thought of Tony Blair's famous declaration: "It is the dawn of a new era." Apprehension overwhelmed me as I considered that my own life was about to take a drastic turn. Determined to make the most of the situation, I followed my orders to report to the auditorium, where I officially enlisted in the army.

My assignment placed me in Charlie Company, which was renowned for having the toughest training of all the companies in the island's two camps. Yet the first two weeks were not as horrible as I had envisioned. I spent my days doing foot drills and strength-building exercises, signing documents, and speaking with insurance representatives. In those first calm days, I frequently wondered why I had worried so much about basic training. I quickly discovered why.

Within another week, I was "falling in" at three in the morning, doing a hundred push-ups in the mud, spending hours practicing drills in the scorching sun, and marching ten miles with a 55-pound backpack. The Charlie Company officers worked hard to uphold their reputation as the toughest company, and my entire body ached to go home every day. Although each day seemed more grueling, I was surprised by how rewarding it felt to meet such a mentally and physically demanding challenge. The sense of accomplishment that I felt after three months of basic training was second to none.

Perhaps one of the most rewarding aspects of my time with Charlie Company was the friendship that developed among the eleven new recruits who shared a room with me. At first, I wondered how we would get along, given our divergent backgrounds. My own status as an honors student from overseas set me apart from the local polytechnic students and the poorly educated young men with whom I lived. As time went by, however, the camaraderie among the twelve of us grew into something that I have yet to experience again. Regardless of race, education, or religion, each recruit pushed the others to try harder, which in turn completely redefined our physical and mental limits. Knowing that eleven other people depended on me just as much as I depended on them made me understand the importance of teamwork.

After the monumental fifteen-mile march that marked the end of my military training, I was no longer the pampered teenager that I once was. My former lack of urgency, occasional tantrums, and childish outlook all dissipated after three months on the island of Pulau Tekong. Successfully completing the most challenging endeavor of my life has convinced me that I can accomplish anything. Now, I face challenges and hardships head-on; backing out will never again be an option.

Many of my friends who did not have to go through military service scoffed at the idea of postponing university for what they saw as a waste of time. I view it in a different light. For me, my time in the military was a golden opportunity that allowed me to discover the absolute limits of what I can achieve. Without a doubt, the basic training that began my military service was "the dawn of a new era" for me.

点评：

文章内容：

文章主要讲述的是作者在参加基础训练支前、当中、之后，对基础训练的一个不断地认识和理解的过程中，以及态度的变化，得到的启示，等等。

从第一段开始，作者的态度就在不断的变化中，开始时为生活中将会出现的重大转折而忧虑，接下来又因为开头几天的轻松训练而松一口气------原来“并没有想象中那么恐怖”，但是后来训练的加紧又让他吃尽了苦头。最后，在训练结束的时候，作者得出结论：原来事情不是之前想得那么恐怖，但是也没有后来想的那么轻松。紧张的训练带给他很多的收获，改掉了不少的毛病也使自己更清楚地认识到自己的潜能，使他的人生开始了一段新的旅程。

文章选题：

文章选择自己的一次亲身经历，军训，对于很多人来说都会是一段很难忘的日子，很多人都从中得到很好的学习与锻炼。写军训会使文章很有内容可写，不至于使文章过于肤浅简单。

文章结构：

优点：
1）朱熹曾说“文须错综见意，曲折生姿”，强调文章要在曲折宛转中别开生面。本文的结构就有这样的一个特点，作者看待基础训练的态度在不断的变化中成熟起来，最终有了一个对基础训练的正确地认识。
2）文章的结尾处呼应前面提到的“新时代的黎明”，使文章更有整体感。

缺点：
1）文章在第五段之后突然转到写与室友的友谊，与前面的内容稍微有些脱节。让人有失去重点的感觉。
2）后面的第八和第九段，像是两个结尾，而且么没有结到一个点上，建议将后两段的内容融合到一起，这样结尾就会更加精彩。

综合点评：

文章总体来说有一个不错的选题，从自己的亲身经历出发，有感而法才能将自己的想法表达的清楚，才能产生共鸣。而且结构也很新颖，不管是开头还是文章语言本身，都能吸引读者的阅读兴趣。另外，上面提到的结构上的两处不足需要改进一下。

译文：

基础训练

[对一次你曾经有过的经历，达到的成就，冒险或者你曾面临的一次道德上的抉择进行评价，并说说它对你的影响。]

飞机渡运处的对讲机里嗡嗡的传出一个响亮的声音：“可以降落了。”从飞机上下来，我惊恐的看着周围无数张陌生的脸，心想他们都要遭受着同样的命运：参加新加坡的基本军事训练营。年轻些的时候，看着那些比我大一些的朋友为参加三个月的训练离开的时候我总是会笑。然而我很快意识到我两年兵役的前三个月可不是什么能笑的出来的事。（Ｉ）

我刚踏上Pulau Tekong这个阳光明媚的小岛----我的新家，就想到了Tony Blair的一句名言“这是新时代的黎明！”一想到我的人生将出现一次重大的转折，我就被一种恐惧笼罩着。决定好充分利用这个环境之后，我按顺序来到礼堂报到，这就是我争使我正式参军的地方。（Ⅱ）

我被分到了Charlie连队，作为岛上两个营地中最严酷的一个连队，Charlie连队特别出名。但是刚开始的两周并没有我想象得那么恐怖。我花了几天的时间来进行足部训练和强化训练。在那几天平静的日子里，我常常奇怪我之前怎么会对基础训练那么的恐惧呢。很快，我找到了答案。（Ⅲ）

接下来的一周，我每天临晨三点北叫醒集合，做上几百个俯卧撑，然后在骄阳下进行几个小时的操练，之后还要背着55磅的背包行军。Charlie连队的军官们极力维护着他们“最严厉连队”的荣誉，而我每天都要带着浑身的酸痛回家。（Ⅳ）

尽管每天都比前一天让人精疲力竭，但是让我感到神奇的是：这种对生理和心理的双重极限挑战叫我如此受益。三个月的基础训练结束时我的那种成就感是别人无法体会的。（Ⅴ）

在Charlie连队，让我受益最深的就是从11个和我同室的新兵那得到的友谊。开始我还担心有着不同背景的我们该如何相处。我自己的身份----一个海外的乖学生，将我和其他同室的工艺专科学校的学生、没有接受过什么教育的青年分割开来。然而，一段时间过去了，我们之间建立起了我多年之后一直没有再遇到的同志般的友谊。不论种族、教育背景、宗教，每个人都激励着彼此去努力尝试，我们的身体和心灵都在不断的成长。了解到十一个朋友都依赖着我，就像我依赖着他们一样，我学到了团队合作的重要性。（Ⅵ）

一个纪念性的行军之后，我结束了我的训练生活。我已不是以前那个稚嫩的少年了。以前那个缺少坚持、老发脾气、眼界狭窄的我在Pulau Tekong三个月的军训生活之后消失了。（Ⅶ）

成功的战胜了生活中的很多问题之后，我觉得没有什么事是无法完成的。现在，遇上了困难与挑战我会迎面赶上，退缩永远不会使我的选择。（Ⅷ）

我的很多不必服兵役的朋友觉得为了服兵役推迟上大学是件十分好笑的事情，但是我并不这么认为，在军队的日子对于我来说是一段宝贵的经历。它让我更清楚自己能力的极限。毫无疑问，服兵役前的基础训练才是我的“新时代的黎明”！（Ⅸ）