Stanford商学院命题Essay——一生中对你影响最大的人

［What one person has had the most significant influence on your life?］

Throughout my life, I have had to face few outward travails. On the surface, everything comes easy to me. I have never gone hungry or had any physical challenges. And yet, I have had to overcome many inner obstacles over the years. I have a strong sense of purpose and a morality which binds me rigidly. But, at the same time, I admit that I was born a coward. It has taken years of effort and endurance, goaded by my sense of right and wrong, for me to reach where I am today. And over the years, there have been times where my future character was decided in a conflict between fear and morality.

When I was ten, I was on a swim team which included an eighteen-year-old boy with Down's Syndrome. Because of his slurred speech and other physical handicaps, he was never really an accepted member of the team. At first, his size and physical traits made me afraid of him. But I spoke with my father, and he explained the other boy's problem. It was then I decided to befriend the boy. With time, we became good friends. Surprisingly enough, I found myself in the position of the older boy: putting up with his "childish" antics, tying his shoelaces, and teaching him games.

Half a year went by and we were eventually moved up to the next level, practice times were changed. Unfortunately, on the very first day, there was trouble. The older boys (aged twelve to fifteen) began to make fun of my friend. Although he was physically stronger than the others, my peaceful friend did not know how to deal with the verbal abuse. I was upset but I was also afraid of the older boys. But then, the mocking became physical and my anger overcame my fear. In a heat of rage belying my ten years and frail body, I jumped onto a bench, yelling back. Moments later, I found myself in a hopeless fight against an older boy.

The fight would seal any hopes I had of making myself accepted. Nevertheless, thinking back, the incident still brings tears to my eyes. For a split moment, when he rushed in to save me, I looked into my friend's eyes. And within, I saw something which cannot be fully described in words. It was neither outright gratitude nor a mocking "You shouldn't have done that." But for the first time, I truly understood exactly what he wanted to say.

点评

结构：

文章采用了回忆式的故事结构, 作者描述了其一生很顺利，没有经历过大苦大难。在10岁的时候，遇到了一个被人排挤的患抑郁症的小男孩，最终通过自己的努力与他做了朋友。文章在选材上还不错，但是整篇文章在字数上不够长，所以在内容上显得有点空乏。在许多地方并没有描述的很清晰，整篇文章给人感觉不知道作者真正想表现出什么。

分析：

这样题材的文章，作者应该更多的描述一下自己是如何月和这个患抑郁症的男孩成为好朋友的。因为在这个过程中，可以体现出作者善良、助人为乐、宽容、善于沟通交流的性格特点。而这些正是商学院对学生软硬件条件以外的比较看中的东西。而作者是把整个过程像讲故事一样的表述出来，却没有做更多更深的描写分析，应该更多一些结论性的东西。

可借鉴要素：

商学院除了要考察申请者的成绩是否符合之外，还想知道他们招收的学生是否能够维持有意义的人际关系，是否能与他人合作，不仅要能在课堂上学习，还要能通过课外的生活经历学习。所以商学院通常以这种问题来考察申请者的性格、价值以及交际能力，我们所写的每一样东西都要以行为和境遇对你造成的影响作为中心。在这种情况下，你必须把另外一个人作为你的陪衬－此人应能很好地反映出你的兴趣、价值、成就以及你的人生目标。

译文：

命题要求：一生中对你影响最大的人。

在我的一生中很少需要去面对一些外在的痛苦。表面上看来，我的一切都很顺利。我从来没有挨饿或者面对任何生理上的挑战。但是，多年来我一直不得不克服一些内心的障碍。我有一种强烈的欲望但是道德又将我紧紧地捆住。但是同时我不得不承认我是一个天生的懦夫。就对与错的判断我已经煎熬数年，才到今天的我。几年当中，恐惧与道德的冲突下，形成了我未来的性格。

十岁的时候我参加了一个游泳队，队里有一个18岁的男孩，他患有抑郁症，由于他平时说话含糊不清以及一些生理上的缺陷，他从来没有真正的被团队里的成员所接受。开始时，他的块头让我感到害怕。我告诉了爸爸，爸爸给我解释了其他男孩的问题。从那时起我发现我期待了他之前的位置就决定要和这个男孩保持友好。经过一段时间我们成为了好朋友。神奇的是，我发现我期待了他之前的位置：翻出一些他小时候的滑稽的事来嘲笑他，系上他的鞋带，教他做游戏。

半年过去了。我们也都到了另外的一个级别，练习阶段结束了。但是就在新阶段的第一天就出现了麻烦。那些大一的男孩们（大概在12--15岁之间）开始嘲笑我的朋友。虽然我的朋友在块头上比他们大，但是遇上这种情况他却不知道怎么处理。我很生气，但是我也害怕那些大男孩。最后，嘲弄变得粗野，我的愤怒也压过了我的恐惧。复仇的欲火在我瘦小的身体里燃烧。我不顾一切的冲到他们当中，但是一会儿我就发现我陷入了一场与一个大男孩没有希望的战斗中。

这场斗争某种程度上是因为我想得到我朋友的肯定。虽然回想起来我还是禁不住有些 感动，他瞬间冲过去保护我，我看着他的眼睛，看到了一些无法用言语形容的东西。不完全是感恩或者责备“你不该那么做”。但是，第一次，我真正明白了他想要说什么。