文书点评：人力资源专业申请文书

Kibbutz. I liked that word as a child because the sounds of its letters were fun to hear and pronounce. I used the word frequently, because I grew up in Israel, where the kibbutz lifestyle is common. I was grateful for my good upbringing and for the admirable values that were instilled in me, but I was also ambitious and determined to have a career -- even though I was not encouraged to place any importance on that decision. As kibbutz children matured and started families of their own, the adults assumed that they would settle down as members of the community and work in one of its various branches, such as agriculture or community service. With or without encouragement, I always knew that I wanted a different lifestyle for myself, so I intended to earn a degree in higher education and work successfully in that rewarding profession.

A degree in education seemed important because throughout my life, I have spent much time helping others, and I wanted a profession that would incorporate caring and compassion as integral components of my work. Helping people consistently led to fulfillment as I served people in many different ways. In the eighth grade I volunteered as a surrogate granddaughter of an elderly woman who lived alone. Twice a week I would visit her in the afternoon, and we would chat while drinking cups of tea on her front porch. When her hand shook, I would hold the cup for her and appreciate the warmth of her kind expressions of gratitude. As a teenager, I would listen as many of my friends came to me for advice on personal issues. I would offer them an objective viewpoint and help them put things in perspective. These satisfying and meaningful experiences were instrumental as I considered various careers.

When I graduated from high school, I still had not chosen my profession and was not as enthusiastic about classroom teaching as I had been previously. At that time, I was more concerned with my mandatory two-year service in the Israeli army and how I could turn military service into a meaningful and rewarding experience. Reflecting on my experiences as a drill sergeant, I recall the countless challenges I overcame on a day-to-day basis. One of my most profound experiences occurred when I prevented one of my new recruits, Limor, from committing suicide. She was grieving because her fiancé had just been killed in a terrible car accident. Limor and I spent many hours talking about her feelings and her future. Even though I had no formal training in handling this type of situation, I somehow found the right words, and she went on to complete the rest of her military service successfully. Through this and many other experiences, I discovered my talents for leading and motivating others and became even more determined to work with people for the rest of my life.

Still, it took me some time to complete the turns of my career kaleidoscope. After graduating from college in the United States, I accepted a position at Paychex and found myself working in recruitment within the corporate Human Resources Department. The field of human resources was new to me, and I was fascinated and challenged by my assignments. I worked in employee development as a trainer for one hundred sales department employees. This work developed my passion for helping others achieve their true potential and showed me the great need for companies to encourage their employees' career development by providing the proper training. My own lack of direction and guidance in choosing my profession reinforced my interest in studying career development.

To explore my options and solidify my choice, I audited two graduate-level courses at Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) and found the course work quite stimulating and rewarding. The vast range of courses and invaluable resources offered by the Human Resource Development Program will allow me to develop a wide perspective of the field. The staff, faculty and other students have been friendly and supportive, indicating to me that this environment will promote my successful education and future career. I want to earn my master's degree at RIT because its human resources program will provide me with the educational foundation that I need to reach my personal and professional goals.

点评：

本文按照时间顺序，讲述了作者从小到大与申请专业相关的经历。文章讲述了作者小时候受到成长环境的影响，对人力资源方面感兴趣这个点开始描写。描述了她从上学到当兵到去美国从事人力资源工作的过程，其中描述了她的兴趣产生，感兴趣后的学习和利用自己的潜力进行的一些实际活动经历。整篇文章字数不多，但是思路清晰，结构合理，写的很生动，使阅读者可以很好的了解她曾经的经历和她对目标的追求过程，在介绍自己成长经历和兴趣产生方面描述的很好。但是PS中只体现出兴趣产生，追求过程是不够的，PS中还应该描述自己对专业的认识，并且应该通过一两件事情的描述，来体现和证明出她自己所说的能力，毕竟能力才识最关键的。

作者曾经在当兵的时候成功的说服自己的战友，使她放弃的自杀的想法。虽然这表面看起来跟申请专业有些不相关，但实际是有相关性的。她在这里所扮演的角色就是一个谈判专家，需要作者遇事冷静，反映机敏，而且要有很好的观察力。在劝阻对方的时候，也要掌握好技巧。因此，这些都是可以通过细节描写来体现出作者潜力的，而不是像作者一样只是简单的说自己有领导和激发他人的潜力，而没有证明。另外，作者背景中，最重要也是跟申请专业直接相关的经历就是她的工作，但是在这里作者依然是简单掠过，把自己最相关最直接的背景描述给忽略了，错过了介绍自己专业背景的机会。使整篇文章除了介绍自己兴趣和成长经历外，缺少了PS中最重要的专业能力体现部分。因此，整篇文章猛看写的很不错，但实际上是缺少了非常核心的东西，是此文章中不足的地方。

译文：

当我还是一个孩子的时候，我就喜欢“以色列的集体农场”这个字眼，因为他的字母的发音听起来很有意思。我频繁的使用这个单词，因为我是在这里长大的，这里的生活方式很普通。我得到的无数绝美的评价都要归功于我良好的教养，我无比的感激。即使如此，我的雄心促使我仍要继续坚定的在这条道路上不断的进步，虽然在决定中我没有被放在一个有利的位置。当一个孩子长大了开始组建自己的家庭的时候，他们会平静的作为这个团体的一员工作在不同的各个部门，比如农业或者感化工作。无论是否受到鼓励，我知道如果我想要不同的生活方式，为了成为专业的人才，为了在事业上取得成功我想要接受更高的教育。

一个高学历是很重要的因为他贯穿着我的生活，我用很多时间去帮助需要帮助的人，我想成为一个专业的人才。用我的同情心和怜悯心通过不同的方式去帮助其他的人。在我八年级的时候我成绩自愿帮助一位孤寡老人。每周我会陪她喝两次下午茶聊天。当她的双手开始颤抖的时候，我会帮助她拿着茶杯喝茶。我能感觉到她对我的感激之情。做为一个青年人，我的朋友经常会像我询问各种不同的见解。我会根据他们目标的不同提出正确的意见。我从这些经验中感到满足，而且这些经验对我来说也是非常有意义的。

我高中毕业的时候，我还是像以前一样既不热衷于学习也没有选择我的职业。那时在以色列我参加了为期两年的服兵役，这段经历对我来说是非常有意思的。回想起我当兵的那段经历，我受到了无数次的挑战，但是我挺了过来。当中最让我值得骄傲的经历就是一个新兵Limor 她企图自杀。她非常的伤心难过，因为她的未婚夫在一次严重的车祸中不幸的去世了。我花了很多的时间陪她聊天聊她的未来。虽然我从来没有受过这方面的训练，我不知何故说服了她，使她成功地完成了她的兵役。通过这个和其他的经验，我发现了我的才能在于领导和激发他人，这坚定了我以后的生活目标。

尽管如此，我也花费了一些时间来完成了对于我人生目标的转变。当我从美国毕业以后，我进入了Paychex 公司的人力资源管理部分，这对我来说是个新的领域，他使我非常着迷，对我充满了挑战。我在员工的培训部分，负责培训上百名雇员。这个工作激发了我的能力帮助其他人发掘他们的潜能，用适当的正确地培训方法鼓励他们实现他们的职业目标，为公司提供更多的帮助。但是在职业培训这个专业领域上我缺乏正确地专业的学习指导。

为了探究和巩固我的选择，我旁听了两个研究生课程在Rochester理工大学，我发现课程论文非常有意思和值得我学习。大量的课程和人力资源学院提供的无法估量的资源价值，为我在这一领域提供了宽阔的眼界。这里的服务人员，教授还有其他的同学他们都对我非常地友好和支持，帮助我给我指示，这里的环境将会为我将来在学业上和未来的目标提供很多的帮助。我想在RIT进行我的研究生学习，因为人力资源管理这个项目将对我的教育和未来人生和职业目标提供广阔的平台和帮助。