文书点评：女权主义（feminism）

feminism

If you like storms that clear a path of change and arcs that bridge communication gaps, slide down my rainbow into the whirlwind of my life. In a sense, I'm taking the world by storm. I'm either blessed or cursed with an optimism born not of ignorance, but of idealism based on personal experience. Perhaps foolishly, perhaps not, I believe that enough people in this world care for humanity to lift us out of our downward spiral of poverty, depression, and despair. Caring is just the first step, though. Next, people have to work together to achieve the social reforms necessary for our survival. I have chosen to concentrate my whirlwind energy in the reform of feminism.

Why feminism? The path there was so clear and miraculous that I knew it had to be right:
A voice called her softly. She looked and saw a twisting road with obstacles at every turn. The path of silence she was on was so smooth and safe: no one would ridicule her, ostracize her, or hate her. Why should she switch to the difficult road of social battles and criticism? The voice called again and she knew she must take the twisting path, for herself, her sisters, her mothers, and her daughters to be. "But I'm scared!" she cried to the wind. "We all were at first, " a million voices whispered back, and this gave her the strength to take the first step on the winding road. And after the first step, it was easy.

Encouraged by a personal meeting with Gloria Steinem, I decided to start a young feminist club at [name] High School to address issues of gender equality. We organized a feminist assembly to raise conscious-ness about women's issues and to dispel the myths surrounding feminism. We also held a bake sale to benefit Planned Parenthood, and we participated in many Pro-Choice rallies and marches. I spent much of my free time volunteering for local social activism groups, such as the Marin Abused Women's Services and the San Francisco Chapter of the National Organization for Women.

Other social activities provide experiences in the political and judicial world. My sense of justice and desire for competition drew me to Mock Trial, where I am trained as an attorney and argue a difficult case in front of a real judge. This not only teaches me about the judicial system, but also about my own legal rights. I also enjoy Model United Nations, where we act as delegates from other countries in large conferences modeled after the United Nations. This shows me how the policies that affect this country and others are made.

These are only some of the social activities in which I immerse myself. In addition to these, I love writing. I especially enjoy creative writing, such as plays and poems, and I work as Features Editor on the school paper. I like poems and plays because they're a creative way to express my social views and the school paper lets me explain and illustrate important points to a large number of people. All these activities usually keep me busy. In fact, the only real obstacle to obtaining my high school diploma was my lack of time for academics, due to my involvement in all these exciting activities. I found myself staying up all night to finish homework because I had had a NOW meeting or a campaign phone-banking session during the afternoon and evening!

My various activities have taught me many things. Most importantly, I've learned that one must work to change the world, yet one must also have a sense of humor. Nothing can be taken too seriously, even oneself. Above all, we must always work to help others because that is the only way to truly help ourselves.

点评：

文章思路：

1. 对女权运动的信仰和热爱

2. 心里活动

3. 将对这个事业的热爱融入现实生活中

4. 通过社会活动自己的收获和如何成长的

总的来说，整篇文章思路清晰，感染力很强，人物形象也跃然纸上。通过描述自己对女权主义运动的热爱为申请的目的做了很好的铺垫。另外，内心世界那部分的描述很精彩，给人留下深刻印象，为全文增色不少。不过，作者对内心活动进行描述那段的过渡不明显，跳跃太快，让人有突兀之感，如果能适当增加过渡句效果会更好。另外，文章因为对前面的描述太多，给人有头重脚轻的感觉。

译文：

女权主义

如果你想暴风雨扫除前进道路的变数，如果你想为交流的隔阂搭建桥梁，那就请从我的彩虹滑落到我闪电式的生活当中。从某个意义上讲，我所做的是能得到全世界认同的。不是因为无知，而是基于个人经验的理想主义，我被祝福或者被咒骂我天生乐观的性格。或许我的信仰是愚蠢的，又或许不是，我相信这个世界上有众多人是关心慈善事业的，他们将我们从贫困，沮丧和绝望的旋涡里拉出来。然而，关怀只是第一步，接下来，还需要人类团结起来为我们的生存作出必要的社会变革。我已经选择在女权主义的改革过程中大展拳脚。

为什么我会选择女权主义呢？因为前进的道路是那么的清晰，那么的不可思议，我一早就知道它一定是正确的。

耳边有一把声音轻轻地呼唤她，她看了看，发现有条弯曲小道在每个转角处都有障碍物。而她正走着是一条寂静的小路，平坦而安全：没有人会嘲笑她，放逐她，或者憎恶她。但为什么她应该选择那条充满社会战争和指责的道路呢？那把声音又一次呼唤她，为了她自己，为了她妹妹，为了她的母亲和女儿，她知道她必须选择这条弯曲小道。“但我很害怕！”她在风中哭诉。“我们是一起出发的。”百万种声音在背后响起，这给了她力量，让她在弯曲的道路上迈出了第一步。跨出这艰难的第一步，以后的路就好走了。

与格劳瑞雅•斯泰纳姆单独见面时受到他的鼓励，我决定在xxx中学成立一个年轻男女平等主义俱乐部，是为了解决性别平等问题的。我们组织一群男女平等主义者去唤起人们对女性问题的关注和驱散女权主义的迷雾。我们也举行一次烘烤食品义卖活动目的是为家族计划联盟筹款，并且我们还参加了许多关于赞成有权选择合法堕胎的集合和游行活动。我利用平时大部分的空闲时间自愿加入当地社会激进主义组织，诸如MAWS和国家妇女组织的旧金山分部。

其他的社会活动使我积累了政治和司法世界的经验。正义感和对竞赛的向往驱使我参加了模拟审讯，饰演一名律师并且在一位真正的法官的前面辩论一例棘手的案件。这不仅使我认识到司法系统，还有关于我自己的法定权利。我也喜欢MUN（联合国模拟），我们在模拟联合国的大型的会议上扮演着来自其他国家的代表。这些经历向我展示了影响美国和其他国家的政策是怎样制定的。

这只是一些我参加的社会活动。除此之外，我还喜欢写作，特别是诸如戏剧和诗词等的创造型写作，同时我也是学校论文的编辑。我之所以喜爱戏剧和诗是因为它们这种创造性可以表达我的社会观，而学校论文让我向众人解释和说明重要的观点。一切这样的活动都让我十分忙碌。事实上，我拿不到高中的毕业证书就是因为我在这些激动人心的活动当中太过投入而无暇顾及理论的学习。有时我会因为下午和晚上要参加一个NOW会议或活动电话银行会议而必须整夜不眠赶功课！

我这些宝贵的活动经验教会了我许多。最重要的是，我意识到一个人要改变世界必须有所作为，同时也需要具备一丝的幽默感。无须总钻牛角尖，即便是对自己。最重要的是，我们必须对其他人有所贡献，因为这是真正帮助自己的唯一方法。