文书点评：医学专业申请文书——外科实习经历

Every day after school, I would take the bus to my grandfather’s medical office. There, my “papa” would allow me to fill syringes and sterilize instruments for him. In return, I had the chance to observe the compassion he showed toward his patients, as I gained exposure to medical practice at an early age. Today, having received a scientific education and gained experiences through clerkships and surgical rotations, I have a better understanding of my goals. By completing a residency that will train me to practice general surgery, I hope to build on my learning to date -- though what drives me most fervently is still the enthusiasm that began in my papa’s office.

Entering the University of California (Berkeley) as an undergraduate, I wanted to acquire broad exposure to every aspect of medicine. To do so, I engaged in the study of genetics and also taught chemistry. Additionally, I developed my talent for research, especially through a cancer study I undertook at UCLA. When I later had the chance to study at St. George’s University in Grenada, I welcomed the experience, excelling in my science courses there. In all, my eagerness allowed me to investigate many different possibilities for my future career.

Eventually, my exploration led me to shadow a general surgeon, Dr. Carla Harvey. I still remember how excited I was the first day, jumping out of bed at 4:30 a.m. and driving to the hospital. Putting on my scrubs and walking into the operating room, the instant gratification of many surgeries captivated me. I perceived how a surgeon can cure a patient with an extensive knowledge base and an operating room full of interests. Consequently, I became drawn to such intense power to treat patients, power the surgeon held in his own hands. Indeed, I remember the second day of surgery even better than the first: I awoke just as early to relive the entire experience again.

Although I felt confident I would pursue the career path Dr. Harvey had taken, I heeded the advice of many professionals with whom I spoke: “Wait until your own surgery rotation before deciding on the rest of your life.” Counting down the days, I finally jumped right into the deep end with my clerkship at Kern Medical Center -- I volunteered to take call the very first night. Not yet knowing the difference between a Kelly clamp and a needle driver, I nevertheless remained eager to learn. Finally holding a retractor for four hours just to get a glimpse of a bypass surgery, by the end I was full of questions. Ultimately, my enthusiasm was well rewarded just two weeks into the rotation, when the chief resident asked me to participate in his research study.

Upon reflection, it seems clear that becoming a surgeon will prove the hardest challenge of my life. It is one for which I have prepared throughout my education, however, and I feel well equipped to continue. The scarcity of women in the field of surgery also drives me forward. Still, I have no plans to dismiss any stereotypes or prove any points -- I am simply pursuing the field that most interests me. I have acknowledged the long hours and sleepless nights, the acquisition of new skills, and the gravity of life-saving decisions. In fact, I look forward to them.

点评：

这篇文章给我最大的印象就是短小精悍，可以说在有限的篇幅里把作者对于专业的任何和情感表现的淋漓尽致。结构相当的经典，标准的五大段，可以说是英文写作的典范。

第一段，开头。一个比较简短的开头，也就是说自己的一个兴趣引入，他是如何对外科产生兴趣的。

第二段，深入的引入。表述了在作者不断的朝着自己的喜爱的方向努力学习的过程当中，对外科解除得越多，自己对自己的目标就更明确。

第三段，实例引入。以一个小例子为线索，一方面表明自己的专业兴趣，一方面表明自己在这方面学习研究的动力。

第四段，小升华。通过一句忠告的引入，并且升华自己在专业兴趣的高度，告诉读者，我真的非常热爱我的专业，并且我也有能力。

第五段，结尾。一个综述性的结尾，对上面所有的四段做了一个总结，并点名自己的目标，自己就是要研究自己喜欢的领域。

总体的说，这篇文章非常的好，我很喜欢。首先，作者用了很少的篇幅，很少的文字，表达出了很多人要用超过于他两倍的篇幅的文字的效果。语言的有效性，语言的效率非常的高。这其实就是我们很多申请者要注意的。并且有一个很明确的线索游走于整篇文章。整体性非常好，非常连贯。不像很多申请者那样，东扯一块，西扯一块，左一拳头，右一脚的，不知道你到底要说什么。可以说一篇文章，最好只有一个要点要表述，如果你有多个的话，驾驭不好的话就有可能造成目标不明确，要记住一山不容二虎啊。

虽然有那么多的优点，但是，有一点，我必须要明确的说出来。那就是，用词的问题。我不是很欣赏他的用词。因为他有一点点在炫耀自己华丽的辞藻。可以说一篇好的文章并不在于华丽的词汇，而是逻辑思维的严谨性，以及说整体结构的连贯性，中心的明确。你要记住你所做的事情不是在写一个散文诗，而是在写给招生委员会看的，要让他们知道你对你专业的认识和热情。

译文：

外科实习经历

每天放学后，我都会搭乘公共汽车到我祖父的医学办公室。 在那里，我的 爷爷会让我为他填充注射器并且为一些器具消毒。 作为回报，我有了机会观察他向他的病人,就好像我很小的时候就解除到了很多医学方面的只是一样。 今天，通过高质量科学系统的教育和在外科方面的实习轮转，我已经有我自己的目标了。 通过我完成了实习，我将会让我自己尝试着去接触并在外科方面进行锻炼。 我希望建立我的目标 -- 尽管让我对此怀有极大热情还是由于在我爷爷的办公室的日子。

当以一个本科新生进入Berkeley的时候，在这里我想要知道关于医学各个方面的情况。为了要这么做，我选择了学习遗传学并教授化学。另外地，我也加强了我的研究能力, 特别是通过我在加州大学洛杉矶分校学习癌症相关知识的时候。当我稍后有了机会在格林纳达的圣研究乔治的大学的时候,我很容易在那里取得了非常优异的成绩在我的科学学科。我的热情让我有了很多机会去取观察我未来的职业的可能性。

最后，我的探索领导我走进全外科的边缘，我的探险领导了我遮蔽一位一般的外科医生。 我仍然记得我第一天是如何兴奋,在早上 4:30 从床上跳下来并开车去医院。 穿上我的工作服而且走进手术室，我被在这里的手术深深的吸引住了。我认为对于一个外科医生来说如何用自己的知识和在手术室里的热情来治疗他们的病人是很重要的。结果，我非常勤奋的去治疗我的病人用我手中的力量。的确，我甚至记得手术的第二天比第一天好: 我又一次唤醒了我昨天的经历。

虽然我觉得自信，我会追求哈维博士拿的事业路径, 我注意到许多专业人士的忠告:“在你下决定之前，应该先了解不同的外科分支" 计算日子，我最终深深的爱上了到了我实习的Kern Medical Center-- 在我自愿的第一次给他们打电话的时候。在还没有知道Kelly夹和针头驱动器的区别的时候，我一直在学习。最终在拿着一个牵引器4个小时的时间里仅仅是为了看到血管绕道手术，并且在这个过程中我脑子里充满了问题。最后，我学习瓦克的热情在两个星期之后得到了回报, 他们的住院总医师高速我让我加入到他的研究中去。

在这个基础上，有一点是很清楚的那就是我想要成为一个外科医生对我来说是非常大的挑战。这就是我已经通过我接收过的教育准备的，并且我也觉得我已经准备好去继续我的学习了。 在专门针对女性的外科手术方面研究的匮乏也是我学习的动力之一。到目前为止，我还没有任何的计画取证明一些点，那就是我仅仅就是在从事我所喜欢的领域。我已经从漫长的时间里和无数个深夜里得到了我想要的，新技术和我的生活目标。 事实上，我关注着这点。