My mom is an extraordinary lady. She has gone through a war, a painful separation from her husband, unemployment and many other difficult situations. In Bosnia, before the war started, I didn't talk to my mom that often. I was an only child, and I was daddy's little girl. My mom always seemed depressed and unfriendly when I tried to talk to her. I always honestly thought that I didn't like her, not even realizing what I was thinking.
Right before the war started, my parents sent me to Serbia so nothing would happen to me. They stayed in our hometown with my newborn brother, and I was in Serbia with my aunts and different families. I was only 12 and I didn't know what was happening. I thought everything would be over one day and I would go home. I thought this was a big adventure and I was the main character. But then I realized that what I was living through was not an adventure, but a nightmare. My dad was put in a prison camp where he was beaten and abused by Serb soldiers. My mom was in our house trying to take care of my little brother and my sick grandmother.
Even though she was living in hell, she still managed to write me letters saying I would come home soon and I shouldn't worry. I appreciated her letters, and thought about all the times that I hadn't liked her. In one of my letters, I asked why she never tried to have a relationship with me, like other mothers and daughters. She wrote saying how hard it was for her to be at any kind of social situation, because she felt like everyone knew that she couldn't hear and would make fun of her.
My mom has had a hearing problem since she was two and had very high fever which basically burned her ear nerves. Since then, her family made fun of her. You ask yourself, "How could they do that?" but that still happens. My mom never had access to hearing aids since my grandfather believed she would never do anything with her life, so why spend money on hearing aids?
From then on, I wrote my mom all the time and finally one year later, we were reunited. Six months later, we came to America, the country of freedom and opportunities. Again my mother faced many struggles, not only because of her hearing, but because she was now a single mother in a foreign country. In spite of this, she still had the strength to fight for a better life for her children.
No one has influenced me more than my mother. She has shown me that even when all the odds are against you, you need to fight and stand up for what you believe.
After I finish my undergraduate studies I would love to go to medical school and provide people with medical services, because I know that if my mom had had access to a hospital, she would never have lost her hearing. I want to make a difference in this world, and I want to make my mom proud. She deserves that.
点评:
从文章的大体结构上看来,这是主要描写母亲的一篇文章,通过描写一位母亲面对困难依然不屈不挠的精神对自己产生了极大的影响。从题材上来讲,笔者并不像其他人是针对自己的某个经历来吹嘘个人能力,成就。而是以自己的母亲为切入点,这可以说是一种既冒险又新颖的写法。冒险的地方在于必须要将母亲与自己很好地联系起来,例如母亲有什么过人之处,如何对自己产生深刻的影响,自己又是如何看待自己的追求等等。新颖的地方在于笔者不千人一面,写大众化的内容。很明显笔者已经成功地吸引了读者的眼球了。接下来,文章的重点在于如何将母亲和自己的形象跃然纸上,令人有眼前一亮的感觉。然而在这方面,笔者有不足之处。
1.文章重点不够突出,枝节太多。例如在写母亲如何面对困难这方面的描写并不详细,尤其是第二、三段,反而写了自己离开家乡的细节。
2.没有突出写母亲如何对自己产生的影响。仅仅是第六段简单提起,但究竟是如何让你产生这种感觉却是没有交代。
3.头重脚轻,前面写的是母亲,但真正描写自己的笔墨却很少。例如自己是如何希望能进行医学上的研究,如何对自己的选择进行思考等等都没有具体陈述,使得说服力不够强。
译文:
一位非凡的女性
我的母亲是一位非凡的女性。她经历了战争,婚姻的离异,失业和其他各种各样的困难。战争开始之前,我和母亲在波斯尼亚并不常说话。当时我只是一个小孩,父亲的宝贝。每当我想跟母亲说话,她总是露出好象很失望或不友好的表情,老实说,这令我很讨厌她,我甚至没察觉这就是我的想法。
战争开始之前,我的家人为了确保我的安全,把我送去塞尔维亚。他们和新出世的弟弟呆在家乡,而我就和阿姨住在不同的家庭里。那时我仅仅12岁,还没有察觉有什么不对劲的地方。我想一切都会在一天内结束,而我就可以回家了,我只是充当了一次大冒险的主角罢了。但后来我意识到我现在的生活并不是冒险而是一场噩梦。我的父亲被塞尔维亚的士兵殴打并擅自把他关进了监狱。而我的母亲只能在家里照顾我的弟弟和害病的祖母。
即使她生活在水深火热之中,她依然写信安慰我,让我不用担心,很快就可以一家团聚了。字里行间,我体会着母亲的爱,这让我想起以前我一直对她的厌恶。在我其中一封回信里我问她为什么从来不尝试,就像别的母亲和女儿那样与我建立母女之间的关系。她回复到,这对她来说,处于任何场合都会使她非常的难堪。因为她觉得所有人都会知道她失聪并且取笑她。
我母亲在两岁时听觉就有问题,一场高烧彻底烧坏了她的听觉神经。自那以后,她的家人就取笑她。她自问:“他们怎么能这样?”但这始终是事实。后来因为我的祖父认为我母亲对她的生活再也无能为力时,为了省钱就不让她接受听力治疗。
从那时起,我每次都给母亲写信。一年之后,我们团聚了。6个月后我们搬去了充满自由和机会的国家——美国。然而这次不仅因为我母亲的失聪,而她又是异国他乡的一位单身母亲,所以不得不又面临种种困难。不管怎样,她总是精力充沛地为她的孩子营造更好的生活而奋斗。
没有人能像我母亲那样如此深刻地影响我。她向我说明了一个道理:当困难就在你面前时,你需要去克服它,并坚持你的信仰。
在我完成我的本科学习后,我希望能进入医学院并向人们提供医疗服务。因为我知道如果我母亲可以接受治疗,她可能就不会失聪了。我希望能凭自己的能力改变世界,我希望我母亲能以我为豪。她值得拥有这种荣耀!
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